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your #actions are always talking

I came across this saying: “Your actions are always talking. What are you allowing & preventing in your day to day?” And it got me thinking…

Welp folks, IUI #4 was the fourth #fail.

When I started this journey, I’ve always tip toed into this arena with a “matter of fact” mindset. I know that I had to try to “give it everything I got.” IUI is a mandate for IVF insurance approval. I thought for sure IUI would work, but hey, I‘be been naive, about this entire pregnancy after 40 thing. Or maybe it’s been denial. Probably both.

And while navigating these fertility waters, I spoke with many people who said they were performing energy manifestations for me. Some sending me fertility journals and charts.

I’m so grateful that many in my inner circle have this support for me, but is it bad that I’m not cut from that sort of cloth? Is it wrong that I’m not on my hands and knees begging for this to happen? Does this mean that I don’t want it just the same? What does all this say about me?

Shit I don’t know. If you asked me 10 years ago if I’d thought I would be doing this, it would have been a hell to the no. I’ve grown. I’ve changed. I’m definitely not the same Lee-Ann of a decade ago or the same LAW as of 5 years ago.

ALL I KNOW FOR CERTAIN IS THIS:

Am I disappointed about 4 IUI failures? YES

Am I worried that it’s too late for me? YES

Am I worried about spending A LOT of 💰 for IVF for small percentage of success? FUCK NO.

Money is just money. It comes and goes. You have little then you have more. You can’t take money 6 feet under. Gain of money and loss of money, that shit won’t haunt you. But you know what will?

#REGRET

Here’s to kick starting Lee-Ann & Lekeli’s IVF adventure!

Are you over 40 trying to conceive? What thoughts are on spin cycle in your head? I would love to hear from you!

My next plan of action – to be the strongest most balanced as I can be headed into this next race. ❤️

Please share to help me start the conversation. And to connect with others feeling the same.

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