a different type of transformation tuesday

On December 7, 2015, I said aloha to my colon. It was a long time coming. 11 years of misery where I told Doctors I felt like I was slowly dying inside even though I did not look like I was on the outside.

A lot of mental lessons learned along my #ulcerativecolitis journey… I was diagnosed when I was a twenty-something woman, self-conscious and insecure, chasing self-worth and love in all the wrong places.

I had just landed my dream job at the largest ad agency (at the time) post college.

I had just lost 45lbs on Jenny Craig and started racing marathons and triathlons.

I was driven my by ego. Always something to prove. Always looking for kudos from all things outside of myself.

And my demons only worsened year after year. Through all the pills and painkillers. Through all the infusions and shots. Through all the immuno suppressants and steroids.

My affirmations back then:

No pain. No gain.
Go hard or go home.
Quitters are for pussies.
Only the strong survive.

Although colon removal was a hard event to swallow, I had a huge sense of relief. Because I was ready to live, pain free. I was literally sick and tired of just trying to survive. Fake it till I make it. Unbeknownst to me, I wasn’t faking anything and I was barely making it all.

On December 7, 2015, I was reborn. I never fathomed what healthy felt like; what not sick felt like until I no longer had to battle with a bum colon. It was like night and day. I had been sick for so long that I forgot what healthy really felt like.

My hope is that my story sheds light on IBD and invisible illness.

My mission is to show others that despite looking different and operating different, that we can still do epic shit.

And my why is just for me – to remind myself to give myself grace. To show myself empathy and to respect my body and what it tells me. That my body always keeps score and I have to remain still long enough to listen.

Happy Tuesday babes! #honolulupersonaltrainer #ulcerativecolitis #ostomy #ostomyswareness #ileostomy

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close