it’s ain’t about the cookies, sis (or any other treat for that matter)

In my dieting hey days, I would starve myself all day.

Exercise in the morning.
Teach spin class at lunch.
Lift and cardio after work.

@808lekeli would joke with me that my exercise routine was my part time job.

I was able to distract my hunger with my day schedule. But when night rolled around, it was like #jeykyllandhyde 👿

My insatiable appetite took over, so strong and powerful it was as tho I was a vampire 🧛‍♀️ drawn in.

I had a cabinet where I stored all of my “healthy” treats (insert eye roll 🙄 here)… meaning back then it was low fat cookies; fat free cakes; reduced fat snack wells (remember those?); low fat chips; reduced fat graham crackers and I would go to town.

Mindlessly putting food into what seemed like a bottomless pit never even remembering if I enjoyed any of it.

Heck, let’s be real – I didn’t enjoy it at all because it didn’t taste good and the guilt and shame that followed- whoa that always sent me into a tail spin of more exercise more restriction more body shaming.

I was literally feeding my emotions with this “ritual.” This habit was the bridge between physical and psychological #wordprompt.

And for too long, I blamed myself; my lack of will power and lack of discipline; of being a lazy slob who couldn’t do it right.

Until I slowly started to remove some of my distractions.

Removing excessive exercise as means to deal with my feelings.

Removing food restriction as my punishment.

And most of all, removing my expectation for a specific result.

I always did things for a something in return.

Trained hard for a great race time.

Dieted hard for a body size.

Soon, I lost all the fun in my journey. And I fell into “hate” with the process.

When I finally learned to release my expectations and refocus on my journey (my process) – that was the shift for me leading me here. And tho I welcome my lifetime of learning and growing yet to be revealed, this current state of mind has taken a million bricks 🧱 off my shoulders.

If I could do it, I definitely know you can too. 😘 #honolulupersonaltrainer

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