11 weeks out to WBFF Dallas on July 15th!
When I realized that, a wave of fear washed over me. Not gonna lie, I keep wrestling with the thoughts that I’m not going to be ready in time. 😳
I find myself falling into comparison trap with my other teammates who are also competing soon.
I think 💭 “my body is nowhere near their physique right now.”
It’s funny (and interesting) that the smaller I get, I find even more things wrong with me!
So the last week has been more mentally tough for me with this feeling “I’m not worthy to sit with them.”
You know the play off of “you can’t sit with us?”
And then all the childhood flashbacks of being teased for being overweight flood back in.
Not cool enough to hang with the cool kids.
Mean girls making comments about my goodwill clothes; my not manicured nails and my wild curly hair. All that driving my later self’s relentless need to control how I felt by how I looked.
So what’s the difference between then and now?
I acknowledge my thoughts instead of distracting from them (over exercise and binge eating were my go-tos back then ❌)
I remind myself that my thoughts aren’t facts. I investigate what else may be going on for this head noise to be on max volume?
And then I put on my posing suit and practice showing myself the real deal evidence of my hard work and my work alone. I did that! I’m doing it!!
Progress has been slowing so I’m pretty certain I’ll get a diet cut this week. I was hoping to come in at 140 or less by month end.
Here’s where we are at:
141.2lbs down 1lb
Waist 25.40” down a lil
Thigh 19.50” down a lil
Hips 36.50” same same
Hunger 6 out of 10 scale (10 is hangry)
Energy 6 (most things seem to require way more energy than they normally would)
Cravings 5 (manageable which is surprising to me. As I get closer to show date, I feel there’s more on the line which makes me nervous nauseous and so my cravings have kinda stabilize with my inner fear).
On an EXCITING note, my suit is being created by @crystal_borges_wbff_pro and I’m proud to be her first client with an OSTOMY?! 😆 here’s to breaking barriers and tearing down ceilings! She had a wonderful idea for my suit. Stay tuned!
